The Dog Unit!
Well the holiday season has come upon us, so in that great
British tradition, I goggled budget holidays in Cornwall….
I came up with an excellent holiday deal…
a week in a woodland holiday village in St Ives for
£600.00 for 4 people including the dog.
On the site there were happy couples taking equally happy dogs for
walkies through woods, excited children playing in the playground,
teenagers enjoying the night time entertainment.
a week in a woodland holiday village in St Ives for
£600.00 for 4 people including the dog.
On the site there were happy couples taking equally happy dogs for
walkies through woods, excited children playing in the playground,
teenagers enjoying the night time entertainment.
It sounded too good to be true!
And it was…
We arrived an hour early and were told to go and wait in the
car park until the appropriate time as the none of the holiday village facilities
were open.
car park until the appropriate time as the none of the holiday village facilities
were open.
So basically, no lunch for us then!
I then reported in at
the correct time only to find our designated chalet was dogless and I thought
about saying its ok Fizz was a cat, but thought better of it. She didn’t really look the type to have a
sense of humour.
the correct time only to find our designated chalet was dogless and I thought
about saying its ok Fizz was a cat, but thought better of it. She didn’t really look the type to have a
sense of humour.
After half an hour of still foodless ringing around the
receptionist beamed triumphantly and handed us a little silver key!
receptionist beamed triumphantly and handed us a little silver key!
She had found us a dog unit.
Dog Unit 87 to be exact.
At this point I began to get slightly concerned as I didn’t
want to spend all holiday in a kennel!
want to spend all holiday in a kennel!
Well we then bought some food at the now open shop and drove
off to find out little dog unit. The woods were lovely and green and littered
with dainty little wooden chalets.
off to find out little dog unit. The woods were lovely and green and littered
with dainty little wooden chalets.
At the end of the woods sat the dog units. At first sight
the little enclave of dog units looked welcoming. On second second sight,
slightly less so…
the little enclave of dog units looked welcoming. On second second sight,
slightly less so…
Not only was the paint peeling off the wood, the wood was
peeling off the wood too. You could see piles of it on the floor where it
seemed to be composting down nicely. Also the chalets seemed to be built on
stilts: there was a one foot crawl space underneath each chalet, which seeing as we were in a wood must have been home to a rich variety of wildlife, which is ok as long as long as no carcasses
were decaying down there. Talking of smells I duly noted no mainline drainage!
peeling off the wood too. You could see piles of it on the floor where it
seemed to be composting down nicely. Also the chalets seemed to be built on
stilts: there was a one foot crawl space underneath each chalet, which seeing as we were in a wood must have been home to a rich variety of wildlife, which is ok as long as long as no carcasses
were decaying down there. Talking of smells I duly noted no mainline drainage!
This was a little alarming but I thought ok its only
cosmetic issues, I can cope with that.
cosmetic issues, I can cope with that.
Bravely, we went in…
Wham!!!!
The smell hit us.
Decades old mould, you have never smelt anything like it.
It was burning and choking.
Even Fizz didn’t want to go in and explore the chalet!
I investigated every room and when I say every room the
whole chalet could have fitted into out living room! The bathroom was so small
you could sit on the toilet and clean your teeth in the sink without even
stretching. The bath was a hip bath and was a few shades yellower than white.
Also on the toilet seat there was a really scary looking black hair….
whole chalet could have fitted into out living room! The bathroom was so small
you could sit on the toilet and clean your teeth in the sink without even
stretching. The bath was a hip bath and was a few shades yellower than white.
Also on the toilet seat there was a really scary looking black hair….
The worst thing was the smell though, it permeated every
room in the chalet or Dog Unit 87 as it was unaffectionately named.
room in the chalet or Dog Unit 87 as it was unaffectionately named.
I kept thinking about House and how one of the first things
he always does is send his team to peoples apartments to check for mould and I
thought, they seriously wouldn’t have to look hard here!
he always does is send his team to peoples apartments to check for mould and I
thought, they seriously wouldn’t have to look hard here!
All sorts of fungal
infections entered into my brain and I
thought OMG will we make it till morning?
infections entered into my brain and I
thought OMG will we make it till morning?
Well drastic measures were needed. I opened every window in
kennel 87 and turned the heaters up to roasting temperatures: forget global
warming this was an emergency.
kennel 87 and turned the heaters up to roasting temperatures: forget global
warming this was an emergency.
We then got some beautiful smelling cocoa butter body butter
and smeared it on the dodgy grey sofa set.
and smeared it on the dodgy grey sofa set.
It started to be breatheable but still grossly unpleasant.
We went to sleep and I thought tomorrow night its going to
be Premier Inn time!
I was a bit alarmed about leaving all the windows wide open
in the woods in the middle of nowhere but it was either that or choke to
death…
Then, in the middle of the night, Fizz started barking his
warning howling bark
By my bedroom window I heard trudging, crunching feet going
backwards and forwards.
I was terrified, its going to be some mad woodman-type
nutter with an axe and a deeply anti social attitude!
Timidly, I looked through the crack in the curtain and saw
the night time intruder!
It was a grim looking, old woman in a white vest with huge
red shorts. Taking cases to a big car
with its head lights blazing.
Eventually, it was packed, doors slammed and the 4x4 sped
away into the night.
The first inmates had escaped from the Dog Units!
We went to sleep and I thought tomorrow night its going to
be Premier Inn time!
I was a bit alarmed about leaving all the windows wide open
in the woods in the middle of nowhere but it was either that or choke to
death…
Then, in the middle of the night, Fizz started barking his
warning howling bark
By my bedroom window I heard trudging, crunching feet going
backwards and forwards.
I was terrified, its going to be some mad woodman-type
nutter with an axe and a deeply anti social attitude!
Timidly, I looked through the crack in the curtain and saw
the night time intruder!
It was a grim looking, old woman in a white vest with huge
red shorts. Taking cases to a big car
with its head lights blazing.
Eventually, it was packed, doors slammed and the 4x4 sped
away into the night.
The first inmates had escaped from the Dog Units!
